As IF the guidance department isn't pressuring us enough already with the ASVAB and PSAT scores about collge and the SAT, they also decide that they must ruin or happy holidays. We can't sing Christmas carols any more, no, that's too simple. Now we must sing SAT carols, such as:

"Approach everyone who is steadfast" instead of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful"

"Hey, consencrated period of darkness between the setting and rising of the sun" instead of "Oh Holy Night"

"Ecstasy in the direction of the univers" instead of "Joy to the World"

"Listen the foretelling spirits harmonize" which normal people would call "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"

"Quiescant nocturnal period" which I'm only guessing could be "Silent Night"

"Festoon the corridors" rather than "Deck the Halls"

"I'm fantasizing concering a blanched yuletide" can be translated as "I'm Dreaming of a White Chirstmas"

"Permit solid percipitation in the form of soft, whie, crystalline flakes." Or, "Let it snow."

"Hey, miniscule urban area southwest of Jerusalem" is, of course, "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem"

"The Conifereous nativity" is "Oh, Christmas Tree"

"What offspring abides thus?" equals "What child is this?"

"Removed on a bovine feeding trough" has to be "Away in a Manger"

"The slight percussion lad" is the equvilant to "Little Drummer Boy"

"Father Christmas approaches the metropolitan area" is "Santa Claus is coming to town"

And, my personal favorite,

"I apprehended my maternal parent osculating with a corpulent, unshaven male in crimson disguse." ....What else but "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus"?

Those sick bastards.

See, SAT people, I can make up words too!