You know, the holidays have snuck up on my so fast this year, I didn't even have time to do my usual protest! It may be a little late in the year right now for it to make any difference, but as an Elf Rights Activist I feel it is my duty to inform the world about the truth of Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.

Santa Claus is a communist.

That's right, you heard correctly. He's a communist.

How do I know this? Well, thanks to being as short as an elf, I was able to sneak in his workshop last year. Gelatin ears aren't that hard to make, you know.

Communism is (as described here) the control of goods and services (commodities) through a government that produces only to serve the people. It is total equality. Communism is abolition of private property, meaning that resources (minerals, coal, oil, ect.) and production (factories, plants, refineries, ect.) are owned in common by the people. There are generally no taxes except on a few extremely wealthy individuals. That leads to the next point. It is a government mainly for the working class and the common people. Against those like Bill Gates who do not work but thrive off the labor power (work) of others. The government controls commodities unlike corporations who may do as they please in Capitalism, and who usually squander these resources for their own benifit and greed. The media also has true freedom and is not controlled by the government. Housing is also generally free along with health care. Eventually wages and pay from working are eliminated and people are taught to work for the common good. There is also no rascism or discrimination in a communist government. Since everything is equal it makes since.

Factories and such are all owned by Santa (the government) to make toys. Of course the media is free, how do you think so many "Rudolph" movies got out? Speaking of which, only in Rudolph movies will you find any discrmination in the North Pole. And they can't be racist because they're all.

All in all, Communism is a pretty good philsophy and looks good on paper. But when you try to use it in the real world, it never works out because there is always a dictator who eventually becomes a totlitarian. Santa has become one such tyrant. Besides that, he wears red. We must make it our duty to free the elves from this totlitarian society.

It's really a shame communism doesn't work out.

....For this I took Global 9?