I'm so sick of the guilt that comes from just the way I was raised and my Catholic high school, a place that I've been trying to leave behind as soon as I became a freshman there. I used to pray with phrases like, "protect me from what I want", but now I have to ask, what's wrong with wanting? What's wrong with feeling pleasure or passion or taking a step away from something? I want to stop thinking about where I'm going after this life or if this is something Jesus would do. I hate the knot in my stomach and the shame I feel after my boyfriend touches me. I hate crying each night from fear and guilt preventing me from taking the next step.

I want to walk down the street with confidence, I want the ability to raise my hand in class and say what I really mean. I want to not be afraid of breaking walls. I want to be intimate with my boyfriend and smile instead of wipe tears away from my eyes. I want the courage to take the next step.

Confidence, courage, expression. Those are things tha I want. I want to smile and be proud of the person that I've become, and the person that I am growing into. I don't think these are things that I need to be protected from. I need to be protected from the things that takes me away from them.

Protect me from what stops me from gaining these things.

Amen.